Two Bears, a Fox, and a Forest

If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention.

I recently had a dream in which my backyard was a dense, dark, forest. Standing just between the forest and my house, from which I was looking through the window, stood two bears and a fox. The fox stood on all fours alongside of the bears, poised. Both bears were standing tall on two legs. One was calm and “normal” but the other bear…the other bear was manic, angry, deranged, and raving mad. Its eyes bulged, looking in two different directions, its tongue lolled out of the side of its mouth next to its razor sharp teeth.

THAT bear, that crazed, angry bear, sent a chill down my spine. Feeling terrified of letting my dog, Pooh Bear go outside for fear of him being harmed by these bears and/or fox, I desperately yelled to my roommates not for them to let him outside either.

It was a clear urge to protect.

According to dreamingandsleeping.com‘s analysis, to dream of seeing a fox means that the dreamer knows exactly how to approach challenges and how to overcome obstacles. This resource also suggests that bears in dreams symbolize strength, power, and independence. To just see a bear (cue, the calm one), indicates competition and rivalry in one’s waking life. Dreaming of an aggressive bear (the crazy bear), means that you are angry because of something. When a bear stands up (both of my dream bears), that means that you should defend your own opinions and beliefs.

Pseudoscience or not, this analysis has turned out to be quite accurate. Our dreams have a funny way of helping us work out waking issues, don’t they?

The Fox with the Fiery Fur

There comes a time when we become aware of the fire burning within each of us. Whether it’s a fire for love, for a goal, for a passion project, for a person…fire exists. It is what allows us to be warm and loving. It is what allows us to be fierce and motivated. And yet, our society programs us to quell this fire, to keep it calm, to keep it peaceful and appropriate. Have you seen the show, Little Fires Everywhere? You should. Without including any spoilers, suffice it to say that this show was one of many things which have stirred up some continued, personal growth.

I was awake until the wee hours of the night last night, after beginning The Calm Bear

You know, I am generally much angrier than people think that I am. I have been told my entire life “Rachel. Your version of expressing anger is everyone else’s normal tone. They probably didnt even know you were upset!” This is probably also why I have spent so many years of my life as a darling doormat. (Hi, I’m Rachel, and I’m a recovering doormat.)

When people in life have told me I am “sweet” I have (in recent years) responded with, *nervous laugh* “well, I have an edge…”

“I have an edge.”

What I really have is a trove of fury and restless frustration over things that I cannot control. I have accumulated years of pent-up emotions from one trauma after another, with no justice at all. (All of which are actively being worked through, mind you. Therapy is for everyone!) But, I have recently discovered I also happen to have remarkably accurate discernment. I tell you, when I have a bad feeling about someone, for whatever gut, subliminal, subconscious reason, I am never wrong.

Experience time and time again has taught me to trust my discernment, and disregard any opinions from others that would say otherwise. God knows our hearts, and I have come to understand that He helps me to see a bit more of people that others often miss. It is partly due to this gift and its accompanying awareness, that I am so often in a subdued state of rage. (That escalated quickly, right? Well, behold the approaching re-entry of the angry bear.)

I know the sunshine smiling faces that quickly turn to scowling manipulation and threats when a boundary is created that they can no longer abuse.

I observe the “irreplacable” and “wonderful” saint of a person, who operates on scathing and jealousy-fueled disdain, all while fueling gossip and toxicity wherever possible.

I see the “christians” who pray for children in Africa, who go on mission trips to “give back,” but who vote for a racist, hateful, greedy, narcissist that places the worlds’ children into cages.

The Angry Bear

I SEE ALL OF YOU, AND QUITE FRANKLY, YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF.

How dare you quote the bible to further your hateful scheme of making others feel like “less.” How dare you defend your privilege-tainted vote for evil with impartial excuses and willful ignorance of current events.

How dare you JUDGE another person, simply because they love someone differently than you. How dare you say “well, we’re all sinners, and we love them anyway.” You think that’s a loving response? THAT is drawing a divide between your warped version of “us” and “them.”

HOW DARE YOU.

You wonder why current and younger generations are so opposed to your belief systems? It is because WE ARE ONTO YOU. All of you, with your hypocrisy, your racism, your fake and gleaming smiles, your pious babble followed by your haughty treatment of others.

We are waking up, HURLING our alarm clocks against the wall, and wiping the society-induced coma from our eyes to see, clearly, humanity’s failure.

No more will we sigh and say, “Oh, how terrible” and keep scrolling when we see that another white man has murdered another black person. No more will we bite our tongue and avert our eyes when our family member disdainfully says “those immigrants.” We will not stay silent when a man uses his voice to drown out a woman’s, and we will stop kidding ourselves that “we are doing enough,” simply because we are “not directly hurting anyone.”

Hear me, when I tell you that WE ARE FAILING!!!!

We are failing to do the most basic, fundamental thing that we are called to do. (LOVE).

Ephesians 4:2: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”

1 Peter 4:8: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

People want to quote Leviticus to excuse their hideous behavior and judgmental ways? OKAY. Leviticus also says this:

Leviticus 19:33-34 “‘When an alien lives with you in your land, do not mistreat him. The stranger who lives as a foreigner with you shall be to you as the native-born among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you lived as foreigners in the land of Egypt. I am Yahweh your God.

No, the Bible is not a weapon, but if people are going to continue to use it to excuse their evil, you BEST BELIEVE that I, and many others will be ready. to throw. down. Come at me with your Bible-based excuse for why it’s okay to treat other people poorly. I DARE YOU. Because I worship a God of LOVE (1 John 4:7-21), of MERCY (Deuteronomy 4:31), and a holy father whose perfect son came to Earth to hang out with and LOVE ON the social outcasts, the lepers, and the whores. The Jesus that I know tore a room apart, flipping tables and cracking a WHIP when businessmen made money more important than people. (John 2: 13-16)

We are FAILING with the light hand of justice for cops who KILLED innocent black men. We are FAILING when we allow a white rapist to be called “mentally ill and struggling” while a black man out for a jog is called a “threat.” We are FAILING when we categorize and dehumanize “immigrants.” We are FAILING.

The Forest. Each tree is different, and yet, they are watered by the same rain, and fed by the same sun…

Black people, minorities, LGBTQ individuals, and women, are PEOPLE! They are children of God, and they are being thrown into cages, persecuted, and abused.

You did this. We did this. Our silence has posed as permission, and enough is truly enough.

I am angry, furious, and heartbroken, and if you’re not angry, then you’re NOT PAYING ATTENTION.

Don’t you dare think that you’re doing enough by silently praying for these issues. If you’re not openly speaking out against the atrocities, you are allowing them to continue. We are called to speak out for what is right, and if you are a white person, you have more of an ability to safely speak out than any other group. Suck up your pride, your fear, and USE IT. USE YOUR SOCIETY-GIVEN PRIVILEGE TO HELP. (Proverbs 31:8-9)

Our world breeds us to fit into its box of what is acceptable. Men, you get a big box. Depending on your skin color and spoken language, box size may change.

Women, you get a smaller box, and you’ll want to be sure to not take up too much space. Don’t speak too radically, be sweet, be polite, smile at the man so he won’t get angry and hurt you.

Ladies, be agreeable, because if all of them don’t think you’re perfect, you’ll never have a chance. Stay in your little box, in your pretty pink lane, and don’t say anything crude. Don’t cuss, don’t yell. If you do, you’re shrill. You’re a shrew. You’re one of “those.”

Because in these United States, “unless you’re like us, we don’t like you.”

“Unless you’re like US, you’re not deserving of love or respect.”

“Unless you’re like US, you’ll go to hell.”

“Unless you’re like US, we’ll destroy you, silence you, condescend to you, belittle you, beat you, persecute you, and probably kill you.”

“Land of the free, home of the brave.”

This land is only free if you’re white and wealthy.

This land is only brave because we have to be.

What I want to know is, why would I ever join your “us” when it continues to scorn any slightly different “them.”

This country, this society, is in dire need of change. Friends, something big is coming. I can feel it. Change is coming, and I PRAY that it is positive, loving, and accepting. I pray every day that people will wipe the grit from their hearts and eyes, and see where they have failed…where they can improve.

What’s troubling is that many of us already think that we are positive, kind, loving, and accepting. Well, let me tell you, none of us are perfect; we can all do better, BUT! and I really want this to sink in…

If you are still voting for a person who has PROVEN his racism, disdain, hatred, ignorance, and narcissism time and time again, then YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.

I tell you, if this country continues to make the same mistakes, then we deserve whatever human rights movement may come, and in whatever form it chooses to manifest.

My anger is aflame, and I hope yours is too.

You should be uncomfortable. We should all be uncomfortable.

Our fellow brothers and sisters are being attacked, and the perpetrators are being excused. We should all be completely uncomfortable, and forced to demand change, or take the alternative of sitting with a putrid pit of guilt in our stomach.

If you’re not feeling that, then I pray for you. I pray for you to WAKE UP, and start caring about other people. I bet you’d wish they would care for you if the tables were turned.

There is fire in each of us. If you feel your flame grow with each post about injustice, with each crying voice in protest, and with each person you choose to speak for, then you can rest assured that your fire is there for a good reason.

Don’t fear. Go protect. Go advocate.

I think many of us are afraid of our fires, because they don’t burn in the way that we were taught to allow. Maybe you feel like you’re not allowed to be angry, because we are supposed to choose peace. Believe me, as someone who has smothered my true feelings for years to keep the peace, I get it. But, to that point, I would like to again, quote the good book (which our pitiful president in chief used as a photo prop).

“Let love be genuine. HATE what is evil. CLING to what is good.” Romans 12:9

“Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?” Galatians 4:16

“Be strong and courageous.  Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

We should be angry, but we should control and channel our anger to use it in constructive ways. We know that there is a time for everything, whether it be peace, war, building up, or breaking down (Eccelisastes 3).

Right now, it is time for us to speak out. It is time for us to demand change.

To anyone reading this who is currently feeling the weight of fear, of persecution, of racism, of judgment, please know that change is coming. Change always takes too long, but it comes.

Fire Cleanses. It brings new growth.

There is fire in each of us. Instead of fearing our flames, we must choose how to fuel them. Again, we know that fire is necessary for warmth and for survival.

Will you fuel your flames with hate and privilege? Or, will you feed them love and a relentless hunger for justice?

As for me, I choose love. I choose justice.